Humbugs

Hello, and good evening...it's not quite morning here so will save the good mornings for another time.

Feeling down and blue....or maybe just depressed, repressed, unpressed and dispossed......simply put....yucky.  Think I'll talk about it cause doubt that anyone except my sister and Ruth ever read this (thanks guys-you two can ignore my late night whines).

Just getting lonely....go through these bouts every so often, and will snap out of it in a few years...er, a day or so.  I hope.  Am homebound and with MS in an Arizona summer...that means I don't leave my yard more than 5 or 6 times a month....sometimes will spend 4 to 6 days not going any further than my carport.  Gets to you after awhile.  Don't get me wrong, I've got tons of people calling on the phone to check up on me (I think they just want to make sure I'm home and not on the way to visit them!).   Willie and Elaine are always willing to take me to Church or the store, but you know how it is to constantly ask for rides somewhere, even when the ride is given without any problem you just feel like you're intruding on someone.  Especially now that I havn't driven for 3  (!) years. 

My neighbor friends Marti and Robert are moving across town and they are about the last people left on this end of the block.  I have a vacant lot then an empty rental to my west  on this side of the street, two vacant lots then an empty home on the east side of mine.  A burned out trailer behind me, next to a vacant lot.  Marti & Robert lived katty corner to my north.  A vacant lot directly across the street and next to that is a trailer that is the "getaway" home of some people from Washington State and they haven't been there in almost a year.   Sigh.

Getting right down to it, is the fact that I'm just going through one of those times in a single persons life when they miss having someone to be with.   Not that I want to share my life actually, but it does get lonely.   Just realized that I have gone to bed alone every night since 1995!  Sigh, sniffle.  Miss having someone to cuddle with.   The really funny thing about that is the fact that I've NEVER had someone to cuddle with!   My ex spent 25 years telling me no to cuddlin, then Sam (a female Sam in case you are interested) would cuddle only very occaisionaly maybe 1  time in 5.  And we were only together for a short while anyhow.   Got any tears yet....?

I think all of that explains why my cats are so important to me.   Espescially the foster kittens that NEED their cuddles and love.   Also explains why it  hurts so much to give them up for adoption.

My sister and I talked a little bit about relationships this evening, and I think we have (shock) slightly different attitudes at the present time.  The thought of dateing is abhorant to her....she said she out much rather go straight to marriage rather than go through the whole "ritual" of dateing again.   Me, I can't date, for a couple of obvious reasons;  no money, no car, no single females, oh...and no front toofuss' either.....add to that the fact that when I'm talking to females I will (and this is a given fact) always do the worst thing at the most in-oportune time....hey, it's a knack, what can I say.

Isi (the sister)(long story) does have the luxury of having her son and grandkids close to hand.  She's got her grand daughters with her this weekend.

Havn't heard from my girls in forever, and can understand that......never was much of a father and they sure have busy lives anyhow.   As an aside to that, I am so very proud of both of them....Claire manages a warehouse/distribution center and Jenny manages a huge produce department for aa major grocery outlet.  They have both come so far, from the horrible childhoods they had.

Still got the sniffles?   That's ok, me also, actually by just typing all of this out am feeling a little better.

Probably didn't help that  I watched "The Sixth Sense" tonight, good flick and Bruce Willis is good actor.   Also just adore Toni Collette, so that didn't hurt. However it is a tear jerker and that didn't help my mood I suppose.   Should have watched something uplifting slapstick.....maybe, oh Titanic, or Old Yeller.....just kidding.

Anyhow, I've got the whining out of my system to a certain extent and like I said, I feel confident that nobody but Kris and maybe Ruth will read this.....

So don't bug me about K & R.... And if anyone including either of you do actually read this piece of drivel... by all means, leave a comment so I'll know that somebody pays attention and won't bother with this self pity writing anymore..... insert grin here.

God Bless